Pleasure and Orgasm Control in D/s Relationships

FemDomme in black flowy dress squatting with bare thighs.

I truly believe one of the most simple yet pure ways a submissive can surrender to their Goddess is through pleasure control (or orgasm control.) Sexual pleasure is one of the most basic human functions. For most of us, sex feels great. We crave it, fantasize about it, seek it out. Some of us are insatiable, constantly looking for the next experience or gratification. Some desire one partner they can put all their trust in, learning about each other through curiosity and growth every step of the way. Regardless of your wishes and your sex drive, surrendering control of one of the most intimate aspects of yourself is a big decision. I find it immensely sensual and a huge turn on to be given that kind of power.

This feeling was very thought provoking to Me because it brought up a potential contradiction in My beliefs. Being polyamorous, I had a hard time understanding disallowing your submissive to play freely with whoever they chose. It is naive to think any human will be able to maintain sexual (or otherwise) attraction to only one person. The more I thought about it, the more I realized, that is not even the idea in question here. It is not about hoarding My subs all to Myself and cutting off their oxygen to breathe a sense of pleasure in others. It is about training, obedience, loyalty, care, and control. The thought of letting My sub play with another is a turn on for Me. But even more so, it turns Me on to be the decision maker in allowing a situation where My sub will experience pleasure. It gives Me the capability to let go and allow them to experience things on their own, knowing I am still with them, guiding and nurturing them. When a sub feels loved, accepted and cared for, they will come back full of joy and affection like the good puppy I trained them to be.

Many take monogamy as the standard for any type of relationship, but most don’t mention the rules on the submissive’s masturbation habits. Again, I think being given this type of control is extremely hot. Even if you aren’t the type of person to want to have sex with multiple people (or anyone at all, if your D/s relationship doesn’t include that,) nearly everyone still masturbates. I mean, you probably wouldn’t even be on this site if that statement didn’t apply to you. 😉 Pleasure and orgasm are powerful things. They can relax you, build intimacy with your partner, help you let go of control, or they can also easily control you. I have found many men to have issue with the latter. It is true, the release can easily become addictive, habitual, and mechanical. This is one of the reasons the sex lives of many couples eventually fizzles out. When pleasure and orgasm are taken for granted, they become an expected demand rather than a sensual gift. It becomes harder and harder to reach satisfaction, and eventually one begins to act out.

If a submissive spends too much time masturbating to get a quick fix, they inevitably will find it difficult to bring their best to the bedroom. I am a firm believer in self exploration to learn how to be a better partner, but many tend to abuse that potential. If you are simply jerking off to release with no thought, you are tiring your body without exercising your mind. Showing up to playtime lacking passion and creativity is a turn off for all involved, and will eventually lead to boredom and resentment.

Part of the beauty and appeal of D/s relationships is the ability for the sub to trust the wisdom of their Dom/me. Dominants are caretakers and protectors, providing guidance and training to their subs. Something as basic as requiring a submissive to ask permission before touching themselves can go great lengths in deepening a bond and heightening sexual and energetic pleasure. It builds gratitude and appreciation not only for the physical sensations, but for the connection. When a sub knows their pleasure is in the hands of another, the feelings associated with the entire thing become a shared experience. Not just the release, but the anticipation, frustration, excitement, reliance, suspense and relief. It holds the potential to be so much more than just a 2 minute quickie in the bathroom!

Put yourself to the test with My new chastity and orgasm control series.

Pt 1 - Try Lasting One Week
Part 1 – Try Lasting One Week

Part 2 – Patience Has Its Reward

It Gets Harder Before It Gets Easier

Part 3 – It Gets Harder Before It Gets Easier


Part 4 – Orgasm is a Privilege

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